Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
