The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
