Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
