Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
