Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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