I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
