OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
