got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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