why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
