Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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