He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Say something about gay babies.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
