Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
