Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
