party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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