its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
