I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
