My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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