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I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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