maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
