I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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