his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
