The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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