I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
