she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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