WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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