:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
