Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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