barbara walters just said penis...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
