Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go

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  (248): u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go http://tfl.nu/kj46
  Replies (0) Good night (792) Bad night (1259)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.

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  (479): This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy. http://tfl.nu/jw79
  Replies (14) Good night (3749) Bad night (1284)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3743) Bad night (1182)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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  (520): I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training. http://tfl.nu/cz3b
  Replies (15) Good night (4547) Bad night (1090)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.

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  (618): she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing. http://tfl.nu/tedj
  Replies (9) Good night (947) Bad night (2779)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday

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  (412): i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed (201): so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday http://tfl.nu/f6fd
  Replies (6) Good night (1296) Bad night (802)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.

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  (719): I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer. http://tfl.nu/9z00
  Replies (4) Good night (1293) Bad night (475)
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  (310): View more from California

  This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat

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  (310): This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat http://tfl.nu/hcj2
  Replies (1) Good night (862) Bad night (613)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.

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  (202): Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat. http://tfl.nu/b8sz
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (1667)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it

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  (401): If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it http://tfl.nu/cn0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (563)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!

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  (802): Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy! http://tfl.nu/gv3p
  Replies (10) Good night (1257) Bad night (480)
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  (518): View more from New York

  No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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  (518): No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once. http://tfl.nu/gul1
  Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (661)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice

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  (607): I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice http://tfl.nu/kf5f
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (646)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.

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  (503): She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations. http://tfl.nu/6ra3
  Replies (7) Good night (407) Bad night (561)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.

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  (303): That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown. http://tfl.nu/5k1c
  Replies (1) Good night (726) Bad night (345)

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