Sry I called you an 8
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless