WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information