I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sober January is a disaster.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.