I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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