Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
