My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
