So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
