drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
