He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
