You just made me feel so damn special
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
