i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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