3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize