Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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