She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
