My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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