Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
