Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
