I seem to have left my pride at pride
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
