i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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