Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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