She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
