you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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