she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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