everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
