He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
