His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
