Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
