only if we run a train.
done.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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