Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
