My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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