Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
