True but thats because hes a fetus.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
