im drinking this country out of the recession.
Farmville is her only friend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
