We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
