it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
