My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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