I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
