2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
