also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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