Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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