thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
