Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
