The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
