I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
