someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
