You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
