I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
