I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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