i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
