i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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